Itchy Penis: 5 Tips for Hiding the Scratch

It can happen anywhere. In the boardroom while giving an important presentation. On a date with that excellent woman that has always previously been aloof. Upon entering her parents’ house on the day a guy finally meets his girlfriend’s father. An itchy penis doesn’t care where a guy is, what he’s doing, or who he’s meeting. All an itchy penis cares about it getting a good scratch from its owner (or another appropriate party). Practicing appropriate penis care is one way to keep an itchy penis at bay, but sometimes an itch occurs that one simply has to scratch.

When that situation arises, a guy needs to know how to make that scratch as unobtrusively as possible. With that in mind, the following tips may come in handy.

1) Draw attention to some key figures. If an itchy penis rears its insistent head while a man is up front at a meeting, it pays to have a distraction ready. Telling everyone to look at the chart on page 22 can buy a man a precious few seconds to subtly get in a quick scratch while all eyes are focused on finding that chart. A guy can buy even more time by giving them the wrong page number and then apologizing - "Sorry, that should be page 23" - after getting his relief.

2) Be strategic about standing. Putting something between himself and his date can provide a screen for a scratch, especially if that something keeps him covered below the equator. Moving behind a high backed chair to get a better look at a photo on the wall enables a quick tug to relieve the itch.

3) Tie one’s shoes. Sometimes it’s a good thing to walk around with open laces - or at least to pretend that one does. When a man bends over to take care of untied shoes, his midsection is obscured and there’s the opportunity for relief. But what to do if wearing loafers with no laces? Improvise - bend down to remove a pesky pebble that has somehow made its way into the shoe.

4) Use the cell. Many men keep their cell phones in their back pockets - but, where an itchy penis is concerned, keeping one in a front pocket is a better idea. When the urge to scratch comes upon him, he can fumble around in his pocket for his cell, claiming that it’s on vibrate and he needs to answer it. As he tries to get it out of his front pocket, he can brush his hand against the penis a few times.

5) Be clumsy. This is one of those last-gasp measures, but there’s always the old reliable "Oops! I just spilled my wine" option. Whether the wine (or other liquid) actually spills on his crotch or not, a guy can still dab it freely with a handkerchief or napkin to take care of the spill. Sure, it makes him look a bit like a klutz - but some guys prefer that to being caught scratching their penis.

Although every guy has an itchy penis situation at some time or other and really, really needs to scratch, there will be fewer such occasions if he pays special attention to his overall penis health. One way to accomplish this is by daily applying a top drawer penis health creme (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin). Penile itching is often caused by dray penis skin, so it pays to select a crème that includes both a high end emollient (such as shea butter) and a natural hydrating agent (such as vitamin E). In addition, the skin will be healthier if it is not a victim of oxidative stress, so find a crème that also includes a component for fighting excess free radicals, such as alpha lipoic acid.

Itchy Penis Etiquette: When to Scratch

Emily Post may have literally written the book on etiquette in America, but it’s a safe bet that there’s at least one area she didn’t cover: when is it appropriate for a man to scratch his itchy penis. She also most assuredly did not address the underlying penis care issues that may be creating the itchy penis situation, either. Granted, some may say that she probably would have included penile scratching under the category of when the scratch in general, but clearly there is a difference between attending to a slight scratch on the bridge of the nose and providing blessed relief to a devilishly insistent itchy penis.

As Ms. Post left such a void in the etiquette department, this article intends to help address this issue that all men face occasionally - and some men face almost constantly.

Hanging out with male friends.

This is one of the few social situations when it is almost always acceptably to engage in a decent scratch without fearing social repercussions. Sure, if a guy puts his hand all the way down his pants and really goes at it to relieve an itch, he’s likely to get a few "Ew, gross!" comments or to be kidded that he should go somewhere else to masturbate. But all guys know how unrelenting an itchy penis can be and will usually do no more than engage in a little mild ribbing. Of course, setting also has to be considered. If it’s a group of guys knocking back beers as they watch the game in someone’s man cave, it’s one thing; if they’re all at a crowded bar, it’s another.

Masturbating with someone else.

It’s safe to say that if a mutual or group masturbation session is in progress, no one is going to care if a guy scratches his penis - or even notice that it’s not part of his masturbation routine.

At home with a significant other.

Within reason, this is acceptable. A partner doesn’t want to see their guys constantly scratching his crotch, but the occasional scratch while watching TV or talking about grocery lists is usually fine.

Attending a business meeting.

Unless this meeting is an audition for a role in a pornographic movie, a man needs to assiduously avoid the urge to scratch. Sometimes an itchy penis can be so insistent that a quick scratch is almost unavoidable. In such cases, discretion is key. Try to wait until everyone’s attention is very definitely focused elsewhere and/or hide the action by holding a folder or briefcase across the crotch.

While at dinner.

Technically, scratching while at dinner is a no-no. However, if one is seated with a comfortable amount of space between diners, it is usually easy to surreptitiously get in a little scratch, especially, if one disguises it by adjusting one’s napkin on the lap.

Meeting her parents.

Just don’t - and ironically, the stress a guy may feel may cause the itchiness to increase. But this is none of those situations when a man just has to wait until he’s alone to get some relief. Inevitably, if he just waits until everyone’s backs are turned, the father will glance back just in time to see that the guy who is defiling his daughter can’t even keep his hands off his penis.

Clearly, if a guy doesn’t have an itchy penis, he won’t have the need to scratch. In addition to practicing good hygiene, fighting the itchy situation requires regular application of an excellent penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) . Since dry skin is a major itch contributor, select a crème with both a high end emollient (like shea butter) and a natural hydrator (like vitamin E). In addition, find a crème with alpha lipoic acid. This potent antioxidant helps prevent damage to the penis skin by fighting free radicals; strengthening the skin in this way also helps keep itchiness down.

Itchy Penis Urge: Covering the Need to Scratch

Guys grow out of a lot of things, but an itchy penis occurs throughout a man’s lifetime. Make no mistake: Practicing expert penis care can definitely make a huge difference in how often a dude needs to scratch his groin, but even guys in perfect penis health still have the occasional itch to contend with.

When a guy is at home and alone, there’s no problem; he can scratch away to his heart’s content. But when an itchy penis strikes - as it so often does - at work, at a party, or on a date, what can a person do to cover up the fact that his hand is making contact with his member?

Quite a few things, actually. The following are just the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to ways for a dude to disguise the fact that he is tending to his itchy penis.

- Hang on to his jacket. If a guy has been itching a lot lately, it behooves him to hang on to his jacket when he enters a house. He should take the jacket off and hold it in his hands. If the itch shows up, use one hand to move the jacket in front of the crotch and slyly scratch with the other, which is hidden from view. This works best when a guy has learned to scratch simply by opening and closing his palm, rather than having to use his entire arm to move the hand back and forth.

- Look for the phone or car keys. Keeping items in the front pocket makes giving the penis a scratch much easier. As the need to scratch nears, a guy starts fumbling around in his pockets, mumbling about checking to see if he has his keys or how his phone is getting a text. Of course, he’s really just moving his fingers into position to give his manhood some much-needed itch relief.

- Make for a tight spot. A crowded room actually can make it easier to get in some quick scratching. How? By giving a guy the chance to rub his penis against a piece of furniture, like a high-backed chair or the back of a sofa. The idea is to find a piece of furniture that is about waist high and has a number of people around it. Then cross over and squeeze between the people and the piece of
furniture - with the crotch aimed at the furniture, of course. (Rubbing the penis against another person simply to scratch it is not appropriate - unless, of course, this is a sex game that two consenting adults enjoy.)

- Pet the dog. If a nearby dog is tall enough, it’s easy for a man to kneel down to pet him. With the dog blocking other people’s view, the man can get in a quick scratch himself while scratching behind Fido’s ears.

- Take a spill. Spilling something on the crotch is embarrassing, but not as much as scratching it. If the need to scratch is intense, a man can easily pretend to spill his drink on his midsection, then take a napkin and scratch himself while pretending he’s blotting and rubbing the liquid away.

Of course, what’s best is to not have an itchy penis that needs a scratch in the first place. Regular application of a top notch penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) can help maintain penis health and thereby decrease the likelihood of an itch. Many itches are due to dry penis skin, so using a crème with both a high-end emollient (such as Shea butter) and a natural hydrator (such as vitamin E) can keep the skin nice and moisturized. Aging, thin penis skin is also prone to itching, so select a crème with alpha lipoic acid, a powerful antioxidant that can fight the free radicals that cause such damage to the skin.